I aim to inspire.
I want to be inspired.
But I've just hit a dead-end lately. Trying so hard to figure out what's wrong with me, but I just can't. It's like everything is at a bottleneck. I want to complete all my tasks on hand, yet at the same time, I just want to sleep and not do anything. I know I'm a procrastinator and I knew this stress, guilt and anxiety would catch up with me someday. I keep telling myself, life is good now, life is happy. Even though nothing's wrong, I just don't truly feel it lately.
Why? Things have been so good. Meeting up & catching up with old friends all the way from primary school till uni, getting lots of opportunities be it at work or for my blog.. Yet, something is still missing. I feel like life is so repetitive. I get bored so easily and I keep getting distracted. My to-do-list keeps piling up. I keep conflicting myself, fighting with my inner thoughts. Keep making mistakes, no motivation to come up with new ideas.. At the same time, I find it so scary how time flies by so fast and it's almost the end of the year already. I find myself asking these questions more often.. "Why am I working so hard for? What am I chasing after? What am I good at? What have I achieved this year?" Work so hard but still so poor, why is this happening?
BUT... Everyone I've spoken to lately has inspired me, touched my heart and opened up my mind in some ways. It's true when they say that everyone leaves footprints in your life, I'm beginning to understand that now. Truly thankful for the people around me. Little by little, I'm finding back that drive, that determination to get my engines started and do better. I've learnt that everyone is busy, everyone is struggling with something too. I'm not the only one on this journey of life, so I'm going to STFU and stop whining (maybe only complain to myself lor). SET NEW GOALS. Cry less (haha). Maybe spend less time watching mindless videos too and work hard on improving myself haha. I'm gonna promise myself to read at least 2 articles a day for research & self-growth! Just need to find the time, can make time one right! I've not reached that point in life yet where I deserve to rest. A lot of self-reflection going on here... Change, learning & growth is not impossible - it is inevitable. Come on, I used to be someone who only drove at 20km/h because of my fear and now I'm complaining about other people driving too slow on the road XD That's not the point, but I just mean that I AM capable of learning and overcoming my fears.
New challenges are coming and I'm bracing myself to embrace it. I know I'll be much stronger once I snap out of this stressful period and be inspired to DO MORE. And at the same time, I hope I continue coming up with new ideas to inspire others too.
Inspiration, please come. Motivation, please stay. Time, please be longer.