Everytime it's late at night, I just feel a certain wave of sadness hit me. This is the best time to write it all out. It might be because of the stress of finding a job - my parents have really been going at me for that. It might be because I have so much work to do that I can hardly breathe. It might be the fact that my camera lens is spoiled because of my stupidity and carelessness. It might also be because I haven't seen my bf in two weeks because he's so busy with uni, despite both of us being in JB. It might be because... Idk, I'm just... sad.
2015 hasn't been awesomely kind so far. Despite not having a full-time job, I'm still working, ok. I'm working part-time for a local magazine and I have meetings and reviews to attend too. I have copywriting to do for some companies. I have blog posts to rush. I've been so busy that I feel as if I can hardly breathe. I feel so useless and unproductive. I'm living just to look forward to the end of each week. I frag myself out of bed each morning, refusing to face the new day ahead. I don't want to wake up late and tired everyday, but the night time is the only time my scumbag brain is productive and decides to do real work. -_-
Now that my camera is down, it makes me feel so unproductive. I feel that photos taken with my iPhone 5S just would not make the cut to keep the consistency of my blog posts :( I need my camera back ASAP but at the same time, I'll need to work harder to earn more money to pay for the lens.. Sigh.. My birthday is in a week, anyone wanna donate angpao? Haha.
I have sooo many unfinished tasks, sometimes I don't understand why also. It's like I can't even find time to do the vital things, like applying for a job. Have to do trivial stuff like altering my clothes, pack my room, renew my driving license, sync my phone etc and all these takes up so much time, I just.. cannot. What ever happened to my "resolution" to be more organised... Sigh.
Speaking of jobs, the jobscope and job market in JB is really so small! It's hard to find something that pays well and most importantly, makes me happy. I am really reluctant to get a job and just work for the sake of working. I know I'm going to be unhappy. My parents are not helping to ease the stress and have been nagging me to find a job. It's not that I'm not trying, it's just that it's SO hard to find. I've tried looking for Singapore companies, but it's even harder because most require prior work experiences. I'm trying, I'm crying, but I know it's all useless. I'm still young, there are so many things I wanna see, so many things I wanna do... But I guess that's life, and I don't have a choice right? Shall continue looking, and pray for a miracle to come my way.
Please let me get my life back in order.